​30 years by your side... Gratitude and Love...

 Almost 30 years ago, I met you in an unusual place. At first, I didn't know if it was love, but, with each step, against all odds, our path was paved. Then I moved to another city and you were by my side, hitting the road every 15 days and I every 15 days, always wanting my company. For almost two years this was our road. Then, I came back. 4 years had already passed and I decided to buy our wedding ring. Your eyes shone. But, we still decided to wait a little longer. 

So, 8 months later, I asked you to marry me in a diner. We thought it was better that way, because our hearts were together. We chose the church, made the arrangements, I finished my master's degree and, before we got married, I decided to get my doctorate. I asked you: "I think this is my path... do you accept me just like that? You didn't even think about it... yes.

Then the wedding came, first the civil wedding... few people and how you cried... and I, at the time, still didn't cry.

Then, at night, at the religious wedding, you were beautiful... and I cried a lot!! That day, the path was paved once and for all... it had been 5 years. We went on our honeymoon... a small city with a European atmosphere... 10 days... I missed you so much!!

I was unemployed, waiting for my PhD scholarship, married... what was it going to be like? We came back from our honeymoon... I picked up the phone, called and then my best wedding present arrived... my PhD scholarship was awarded... 15 days after getting married... how happy I was.... and so were you: Congratulations, my love!!... you said.

So, my journey began... I finished my PhD with you giving me the greatest support... I had to stay for more than 1 year at the following pace: 1 I spent a week at home, 3 weeks doing my research and you were always by my side!!

09 meses depois, nossa filha se foi... meu chão se abriu, o seu muito mais, pois a nossa filha era o sonho de sua vida.. foi quando decidi ser mais forte e cuidar de você e de meu pai... sempre ali, sempre fazendo o melhor que podia. Durante 03 anos você sofreu, quarto de nossa filha fechado, você de luto e eu tentando mais do que nunca faI came back home earning less than a janitor with a PhD. I fought, I worked, I became a university professor, coordinator of undergraduate and graduate courses, I became a government employee in my field... I continued as a professor and coordinator... then our daughter came along, beautiful, an angel, but in need of care... I despaired for 4 hours, I lifted my head and decided to fight again, for you and for her... how beautiful my life was fighting for you... many years of dedication, a lot of work so that nothing would be lacking... and then, my dear mother left and you were by my side also suffering, giving strength to me and my father...

09 months later, our daughter was gone... my floor was opened, yours even more, because our daughter was the dream of your life... that was when I decided to be stronger and take care of you and my father... always there, always doing the best I could. For 3 years you suffered, our daughter's room was closed, you were in mourning and I was trying harder than ever to make you and my father happy... we traveled a lot, Europe, Greece, Latin America... we went to the City of Lights 3 times... and you were always smiling at me, but suffering inside... you were never able to get over missing our daughter... and I was there, loving you, trying to make you happy...

Then, my father passed away with you, I was at work... I ran home and you were there... crying and giving me strength... it was the third love I had lost, but I still had you... So, like the other times, you were there, giving me strength, love, affection...

So, your crises, panic, sadness, disappointment came... I was there loving you, doing everything I could to make you happy... helping with your mother, as always family was everything... but, unfortunately, you couldn't listen to me... I was always trying to show you that life was worth living, loved, shared with me and with whoever needed it... you had immense potential, but I couldn't see it... And I watched your life go by and could do nothing... I kept giving you the love I always thought you deserved... always caring, always there...

Many times, I fought against your state of mind, I despaired, I gave myself... I suffered, because on many occasions I acted in desperation... sometimes crossing some limits to try to make you live happily... but it wasn't enough.

Then, the illness came, quietly, by surprise... I was surprised, I was sad, confused, I suffered... always believing that love and faith would win... I stayed by your side, through doctors, treatments and several surgeries... you got up, fought, loved, suffered and I was there, with you, sharing all of this... so, I thought you would start a new beginning with me... but suddenly, the illness came back, until then, with hope of winning... some time passed and you went to fight again to be free of the illness.

But, unfortunately, you fought and couldn't win again... perhaps, despite my love, because you couldn't bear your life without our daughter. You left, just the way you wanted and so did I, without suffering.

At that moment, for the fourth time in my life, the ground beneath my feet opened up... I thought... will I be able to get up again?

It was then that I realized... the emptiness was there, but also the gratitude, the love, the feeling of duty fulfilled, the feeling that it was love and that it was wonderful while it lasted.

At this moment when I write these words, of course, you who are reading must think that I am crying because of the emptiness, but I am also crying because of everything I have experienced and that you have meant in my life. I thank God for you, because if I am who I am, you are also part of that.

I don't know what's coming next, but fortunately, I have friends who I have cultivated in my life, more than I thought I deserved... I have "children" who we have cultivated and loved throughout our lives, nephews, who are here, giving me strength and much light... I don't even know how to thank you...

Now, for the fourth time, I will put together the puzzle of my life... I don't know what the journey holds for me, but I know that I will live as I have always lived... one day at a time, always doing my best, living what I believe with heart, truth and much dedication...

It's been 30 years... I am proud, I miss you, I love you and I care... certainly, like everything in my life, you will always be in my heart and in my memory.

I thank God for you, for everything you have done for me... I only have gratitude, love... May God enlighten you wherever you are, because I will be here rooting for you and your happiness... Thank you!