44 years and 45 years - The star rises to the sky and the Phoenix is reborn... Part II

My little star was gone... my world was about to change again... when I arrived at the hospital, one last and difficult mission... I would have to enter the CTI and see my lifeless daughter... unthinkable, but necessary... I had to see my daughter there... lying on top of a bed... it took me years to assimilate this sight... my heart was hurting and aching... all I wanted was to get out of there...

After leaving there, I saw that my mission that day had not even started... I would have to arrange the legal procedures for the funeral... look for the funeral home and choose a coffin... my dear wife didn't have the strength for that, I don't think I had either, but it had to be done. I got in touch with the funeral home, made an appointment to pick up the little star and then went to the registry office with the papers that proved my little star had gone out... What a desperate moment for a father... I looked like a body without a soul ... that I didn't understand what was happening... being carried away by the current of life... once again, I suffered the loss of one of the most precious souls in my life... my little star. How beautiful she was! I remember your smile and your light..

So I went to the funeral home to choose the coffin... the fact that a child dies is so rare that there was only one model of coffin to choose from... all white and gold... I kept thinking about my dear wife... would she like the coffin... I prayed that she would... Soon I, hating cemetery and burials, had the mission of burying my dear mother and my dear daughter.. what an irony... what a life lesson. .. After that, I began to see the cemetery in a different way... it is in that place that I pay my respects to those I loved most in my life... as incredible as it may seem, for me, today, it is a place of peace, love and respect!!

Soon, I remembered one of the most difficult missions for me... I would have to tell my father that his granddaughter, the one he took every Friday to the physiotherapy and speech therapist for years, had passed away. It wasn't 9 months since he had lost my dear mother.. how was I going to tell him that? He loved the little star so much!! How could I break this news to him? I wouldn't have the strength to tell him that... so my sister-in-law came forward to help me... I was so grateful... my heart was breaking...

So, to my surprise, he took it up pretty well for the situation. so, came the wake... we had to choose whether to stay the whole night there or start the next morning... my dear wife then told me that she wanted to spend the night with the little star... she would not leave her daughter alone, never... I argued with her that it would be suffering, but it didn't work... I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth... take that pain from inside my soul... but I had to be strong for my wife, my father , my friends... everyone was suffering and sad...

We stayed there overnight... my wife wouldn't leave the side of the coffin... I asked her to go rest, but she didn't want to. Family members and several friends held my hand during the day... A great friend of mine, a brother in heart and soul, stayed with me there all night giving me strength... so another day was born, only this time, it was born sadder and darker... there was no way I could see the light that day.. I was without hope and with my soul wounded..

Soon, several friends, a dear friend practically a sister, family members and professionals who cared for the little star showed up to pay their respects. The college where I worked sent a wreath of roses, very dear friends too... Until today, I don't know how I managed to stand, breathe, live... I would like to forget that day and pretend it didn't exist. But, life gives us lessons in every sigh and at every corner... we can't run away from the path we have to walk... the priest came to pray for my daughter's soul... I listened to his words, but my heart was bleeding a lot ..

So, before my daughter went to her resting place, I thanked everyone who was present, for everything they did for the little star, for the love, care and light they gave her... I was very grateful to everyone who they were there, because in one way or another, they participated and contributed to her life. My father was there by my side, suffering too, but giving me a lot of strength... I can't stop thanking him for being there... he was always my rock, my example...

Then, the darkest hour came, the coffin of the little star was closed.. we would never see her again.. how difficult that was to accept for a father and mother loving and proud of their dear daughter. We arrived at the burial place, my dear wife asked to open the door to see our daughter one last time... she and I were in despair... there was a part of my heart, a part of my soul more radiant... Thus, our mission to take care of the little star came to an end. To this day I ask myself if I was the father she deserved... I know I did what I could, but I don't know if I deserved that soul so pure.

My dear wife did everything she could... what a mother and what strength!! To this day she thinks she could have done more.. I understand.. we wanted her here.. our most selfish part...and so, darkness covered the coffin and, certainly, a little star arrived in the immensity of God's light.. .

So those two days ended... and life goes on and the sun rises again...